What do you think of my Fan-Fiction story?
Posted on May 09, 2011 under running GPS Watch | 1 CommentI wrote this because i was bored but then i liked my idea so much and i thought to myself i shoudl should concider writing a novel about it. What so you all think of it? constructive criticisim appreciated
thanks (oh and yes i realise the formatting and tabs are all messed up but that is yahoos fault)
Trace balanced herself on a large branch that hung over the edge of a cliff as she looked down at the bright lights of the town’s night life. Clutching her sword in one hand and a bunch of leaves in the other, she narrowed her eyes, trying to see more clearly through the night. The warm breeze brought many smells that she could not recognize, this was clearly a foreign town. She slid her sword back into its sheath and dug around in her hip bag for her cell phone, flipping it open she searched through her old text messages, when she found the one she was looking for she read it through carefully.
Trace, I will meet you at the east gate at dawn. Make sure you are dressed appropriately. Do not talk to anyone, they will recognize your accent. Call me when you get there. Joey.
She re-read the part Joey had written about dressing appropriately. She supposed this meant she would have to find some shoes and some sort of sweater or shirt that would cover all her weapons and her belly. Her mission was to find the boy and bring him back safely but she was beginning to doubt her ability to achieve this without being noticed because she had only worn shoes once I her life, and that resulted in a broken ankle. She pocketed her cell phone and climbed back down to the leafy forest floor where her horse was impatiently waiting. After swinging herself onto the saddle, she headed back to the nearby small town she had passed through not long ago to find some ‘appropriate’ clothing.
Dawn was on the edge of the horizon so she hurried as she filled her plastic drinking bottle at a stream, she watched her reflection as she trapped the water. Her long black hair fell around her face, her dark skin and brown eyes always reminded her of her sister so she liked to avoid mirrors. After taking a mouthful of water she screwed the pink lid back on and slipped it into her saddle bag then quickly got dressed.
The large grey jacket she had stolen looked suspiciously like male clothing, but Trace slipped her arms through it anyway. She stretched her legs around because the tight pants were uncomfortably riding up to places they shouldn’t. She felt like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The large jacket effectively hid all her leather armor, knives and other various equipment and necessities for the kidnapping. But it also covered her true identity. Her hand made clothing of leather, cotton, fur and grass, which she normally wore, was part of who she was and it didn’t feel ethically right to cover it up. But she was here on the Kings orders and she had no choice but to comply. The black and white lace up shoes on her feet were slightly too spacious but she didn’t intend on keeping them for long. It felt strange to wear human clothes but if she didn’t, she would get a lot of inquisitive looks at her ordinary attire. When she had finished dressing and equipping she tied her horse to a memorable tree, swung her bag over her shoulder, and headed towards the town.
While she walked she studied the map on her GPS mapping device, Joey had marked the place where she was to meet him. She walked to the edge of the town and it was immediately apparent that there were no literal gates in this human civilization, so she picked up speed and began running in the direction the GPS indicated. After about fifteen minutes of running, she found herself in a very crowded town centre. There were cars zooming in every direction and the noise was nearly deafening. Unable to see a gate anywhere, she pulled out her cell and called Joey, it rang once and he picked up.
‘Hey, where are you?’ he said straight away.
‘I was going to ask you the same question.’ said Trace.
‘Well Odin left out one small detail. Humans don’t have gates in their cities, so the ‘East Gate’ is a actually a restaurant… and I’m onl– Hang on, I can see you from here… I think… you look weird in those clothes.’
‘Yeah that’s probably me. I’m standing next to a… erm… a red box… it says ‘Post’ on it.’
‘Yeah that’s you. Look to your left and you will see the ‘East Gate’ Im sitting on the roof.’
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May 9th, 2011 at 9:30 am
It’s really good but I have one concern: if she’s all one with nature and everything, how come she has a mobile phone?